


Academystuck: John Egbert

by CJCroen1393



Series: Academystuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Brainwashing, Cake, F/M, Gen, Mind Control, and humans can't be kismesis, because they're humans, between Terezi and John, well i think they can but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 17:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7583230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is John Egbert and you're living an absolute nightmare right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Academystuck: John Egbert

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So I'm taking a little break from "When Heartbroken Meets Lonely" in order to write some other things. I figured I might as well continue Academystuck while I'm on a roll (especially because I got such nice comments about it)!
> 
> So this one focuses on John. After this, the next one will focus on WV and from there the series will shift a bit, between a full story arc, occasional silliness, side stories etc.
> 
> Til then, enjoy this chapter!

Your name is John Egbert and you are living an absolute nightmare right now.

It all started when you entered the cafeteria this morning and saw...Betty Crocker!

Betty Crocker VIII, to be precise, the leader of the famous Betty Crocker baking empire. She had also been the bane of your existence since you were three years old, and your Dad frequently made you eat sweets that used her formula and recipes.

Today Betty Crocker is at the cafeteria and talking to Headmaster Hussie, before walking up to a podium and asking everyone for their attention.

"Children, children," she says in that condescending voice that you despise, "You all may be wondering why I am here--well I have decided to donate some of my newest recipes to your cafeteria! I figured you'd all love some new sweets and cakes to eat! It's all complimentary and on the house, so feel free to dig in!"

"Bluh!" you grumble.

You see Dave smiling and Karkat shrugging. WV just smiled and levitated a cupcake onto his tray. Both Dave and Karkat also took some on their trays, you shake your head in irritation and take a tray, put two pieces of chicken and an apple on it and are about to leave...but then, Ms. Crocker looks at you.

"Young man," she says, "you didn't take a treat!"

"I didn't want one." you say.

"Yes you do." 

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"YES! You do. Here, just take one."

She drops a cupcake on your tray. You sigh and force a smile before walking over to your friends.

Dave and Karkat are both eating their cake slices. WV has bitten into his cupcake with a smile.

"Why are you eating this junk?" you ask.

"Because it's free cake?" said Dave.

"Really GOOD cake too!" said Karkat.

 _"Are you gonna eat yours?"_ asked WV.

You push your cupcake over to him. He eats it with a smile.

\----

==> Be Betty Crocker VIII

You are now Betty Crocker VIII.

But that's not your real name. No one knows your true name.

They also don't know that you're not really the Eighth in your family line...you are the first.

For what the public doesn't know is that you aren't simply the mogul in charge of a famous baking company--you are the secret identity of an infamous supervillainess: Her Imperious Condescension, or the Empress for short.

Your greatest goal in life? To rule the world, of course!

You have traveled back from the Academy of unsuspecting fools and headed over to your headquarters, where you have met your minions.

"My liege," says Diamonds Droog, your main minion, "How were things at the Academy?"

"Fabulous, Droog, just fabulous," you say, sneering.

"I still don't get it," says Clubs Deuce, that simple little twerp who is also one of your minions, "What is your plan, your majesty?"

"It's almost as simple as your brain, Mr. Deuce," you respond, "you see, I have supplied the students and faculty of the Academy with free pastries and baked goods. The pastries are filled with tiny nanomachines that are programmed to be released once the pastry is ingested and then make their way up to the brain. There, they will assault the parts of the brain responsible for vision with subliminal messages of my own design. Once I arrive there, I will use this remote control to take full control over every superpowered individual in the school! Then, nobody will be able to stop me, for I will have an army of superpowered people on my side!"

You laugh maniacally as Droog joins you, but the other two minions, Clubs Deuce and Hearts Boxcars aren't laughing.

"HEY! Laugh with me, imbeciles!"

\----

==> Be John again

You are John Egbert again.

It seems that you have neglected to introduce yourself. You are a member of the Breath fraction at the Hussmeister Academy for Special Individuals. You found out about your powers when you were five years old and suddenly made a huge wind appear out of nowhere after sneezing while talking with your Dad and your sister Jade. Jade had already discovered her powers, but she had different powers from you. She was in the Space fraction, due to her ability to basically alter reality on a subatomic level.

Your cousins Jake and Jane were also members of the Academy, part of the Hope and Life fractions respectively, but they have since graduated.

You became friends with Dave Strider, Wally "WV" Valiant and Karkat Vantas while you were here. The three of you were great pals.

Though today, things were getting a little weird.

"Hey Dave," you say to Dave as he heads out of science class, "How was science class?"

"It was [OBEY] fine."

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

You shake your head.

"Nothing."

"Hey John!"

You turn to see Tavros Nitram wheeling over to you with a smile.

"You still wanna join me for studying at the study hall?"

"Oh, right!" you say, "Hey, I thought you were studying with Sollux today!"

"What? Oh right, Sollux and me. We're not--I mean yeah, we're...uh, 'studying'. But we're doing that [SUBMIT] later!"

"...What did you just say?"

"I said Sollux and I are studying together later."

"Um, okay."

"Have [CEASE REPRODUCTION] fun!" calls out Dave.

You shake your head. There's something weird going on...

\----

After some uneventful studying with Tavros, you headed out to hear WV's voice projected into your head.

_"Hello, John!"_

You turn to see WV and Karkat standing out there in the hall.

"Hey guys!" you say with a smile.

"[OBEY]" says Karkat.

"W-What?"

"I said 'hey'."

"Oh...Okay..."

 _"Have you studied for [EMBRACE YOUR CULLING] your next class?"_ asked WV.

"Um...yes?"

 _"Excellent,"_ he says with a smile, _"That means you have class with the Mind students!"_

"Heey, John!" says another voice.

 _Oh crap,_ you think irritably, "Hey Terezi."

Terezi is a Mind student at the Academy. She can see other people's decisions before they make them. You also really don't like her. She was always getting on your nerves.

"Looking forward to class with you, John!"

\----

You are sitting in the new class. And the teacher is late.

Of course, almost all you can hear from everyone present is something like "OBEY" or "SUBMIT" or "CONSUME".

"Hello class!"

You sigh with relief. You look up and see...wait, that's not the teacher! She's a woman, with long black hair and a black skin tight outfit, a mask...and a trident?

"Hello, class...no I am not your teacher. I am your new leader!"

She held up a remote control and pressed a button. You look around and see everyone else standing up.

"OBEY." They all said in unison. You stare in horror.

"Oh no!" you call out, but suddenly you hear another voice.

"C'mon!"

It's Terezi.

"What?" you ask.

"Just come on!"

You follow Terezi as both of you run out of the room.

\----

"Terezi," you say, confused, "what's going on!?"

"I knew something suspicious was going on!" she said, "Something has apparently been brainwashing people and that woman out there was behind it! She must have been planning this for a while, though because I could sense the source of the brainwashing in the cakes and pastries this morning!"

"Wait...was this Betty Crocker's doing?"

"Either that or this woman is using her as a pawn. The cakes contained some sort of nanomachines that seem to attack the areas of the brain that control sight, bombarding it with subliminal messages."

"Wow," you say, "I knew those cakes were evil!"

"You're lucky you hate cake."

"But wait...Why weren't you affected?"

"I think it may be because I'm blind," said Terezi, "remember, the brainwashing only works by sight."

Suddenly the two of you happen on Dave.

"Dave!"

"John, no! He's--"

"OBEY..." said Dave.

"Dave?"

"OBEY..." He turned to glare at you and then summoned his times tables.

"We need to get out of here, John!"

You and Terezi head off. You're soon pursued by multiple students, all chanting "Obey" or "Submit", among other things.

"John," says Terezi, "I won't like this anymore than you will, but we may have to work together to fight back against this!"

"Okay," you say, "I can live with this as long as we shake these psychos! What should we do?"

"The nanomachines were dormant before the lady did something in that class room. Was she holding something when she entered?"

"Yeah, she had a remote control!"

"I theorize that destroying that remote control will end up shutting the nanomachines down! We need to get it!"

"Okay, but how?"

Terezi smirked and said "We 'obey', of course..."

\----

The Empress sneers as she leans back in Headmaster Hussie's desk. Headmaster Hussie is standing beside her like a butler. Karkat, Dave and WV are all standing in front of her like soldiers, bowing in front of her.

"My liege," they said (or thought, in WV's case) in unison, "we have failed to capture the dissenters."

"Keep looking for them!" said the Empress, "I know we can find them."

You felt fairly grateful that your breath powers also gave you some invisibility skills. As your brainwashed friends left, you made yourself and Terezi visible again, and then entered the office.

 _"Remember the plan, John,"_ thought Terezi, transferring her thoughts into your mind.

You nodded.

"OBEY." You both say in unison.

"Hmm?" the Empress appears surprised to see you, "I thought you two were dissentors..."

"We must obey you," you said, "We live to serve you, my liege."

"Oh, how nice..." said the Empress.

"Your majesty," said Terezi, "with all due respect, we wish to guard your remote control..."

"Oh no, that will not be necessary," she said, "the remote control is safe with me!"

"We insist, your highness," you said, "it will be safer with us."

"It won't be," she said, "I am the only one who knows how to work it."

"We insist, your majesty," said Terezi.

"I refuse, and both of you are trying my patience!"

With that, you pull the remote into your hand using the wind and run off with it.

"C'mon, Terezi!"

"SIEZE THEM!"

\----

"JOHN! THAT WASN'T THE PLAN!" shouted Terezi.

"I panicked!"

Suddenly, you were both cornered by Tavros and Sollux.

"Obey," said Sollux levitating over you and summoning his psionics.

"Get down!" shouted Terezi.

You jumped down and Terezi dodged. Tavros glared down at both of you and said:

"Submit."

He promptly took a deep breath and blew you two away.

Terezi gritted her teeth.

"You still have the remote control?" asked Terezi.

"Yes!" you said, "I'm holding onto it right now!"

"Obey."

"Oh now what?"

You both look up to see Jade, Rose and Rose's girlfriend Kanaya standing there.

Before you two could escape, Jade summoned a portal and sucked you two in.

\----

"Great, now where are we?" asked Terezi.

"I dunno...some kind of basement or something," You mumbled, "I still have her remote though!"

"Obey."

You and Terezi looked up to see Dave, WV and Karkat.

Dave was holding a katana, Karkat had a sickle and WV had a glowing ring on his finger. You didn't now what the ring did, but you knew it couldn't have been good.

You and Terezi were cornered, and backed away in fear.

"It looks like this is the end, Terezi..."

But to your surprise, Terezi was grinning and laughing.

"Oh great, she's finally lost it."

But then you realize something...Dave's holding a katana...you have an idea...

You hold up the remote control and throw it as hard as you can at Dave.

Dave immediately swung his katana and sliced the remote control completely in half.

And then he, WV and Karkat's faces went back to normal.

"Woah, John? Where am I?" asked Dave.

"What the [EXPLITIVE] just happened!?" asked Karkat.

 _"Ugh...I have a headache..."_ said WV.

"I knew you'd come through for us, John!" said Terezi, patting your back.

"What do you mean?" you ask.

"That's why I was laughing! I had a vision that you were about to throw the remote at Dave and I knew he would try to block it with his anime sword. Putting two and two together, I figured that he would accomplish destroying the remote for us!"

"Oh...well, cool I guess."

"We make a great team, John!"

"Uh...sure?"

"Wait a minute," said Karkat, "am I missing something? I thought you two hated each other!"

"We do!" you said.

"We just needed to team up to face what you've been brainwashed by."

"Brainwashed?"

"Well," you said, "you see what happened was..."

\----

Meanwhile, the Empress watched furiously as the rest of the school slowly snapped out of their brainwashing. The little brats must have destroyed the remote control. She had to escape before they figured out she was there. Luckily, she brought some smoke pellets for just this occasion.

"This is not done yet, you little twerps!"

With that, she vanished.

\----

"...and that's what happened." you said, after finally explaining everything to Dave, Karkat and WV.

"That explains why I can't remember anything." said Dave.

"And why all I can taste is cake." said Karkat.

 _"Let's go to Headmaster Hussie's office,"_ said WV, _"Maybe he'll give you guys a prize!"_

"Hey, yeah!" you said, "C'mon, let's go!"

You were all about to leave, but then you notice something.

"You comin' Terezi?"

"Huh?"

"You helped save the day too. C'mon!"

Terezi grinned and said

"Alright."

Your name is John Egbert, and for the first time since you joined the Academy, you feel like a hero.

**Author's Note:**

> This one probably wasn't as good as the others, sorry >_


End file.
